We took angel to the park and there was two women sitting there chatting. And three children obviously in their care. I paid them little mind at first as i was taking pictures of angel playing. We took joe’s lunchbag filled with drinks as it was a hot day. I set the bag in the grass close by us. I looked around and the smallest of the children was digging in our drink bag. I told him “get out of that. It is not yours!” and the mother snapped at me “he is only two he knows no better” I told her that perhaps she should be watching her kids instead of talking to her friend. she told her kid that he did nothing wrong and stormed off calling me names. I went back to playing with my girl, and the lady went to the other play area. apparently the fact that i was not getting mad and leaving the playground bothered her, as after five minutes, she gathered her pissy self and her kids and got in her car. before she pulled off she yelled ” Thanks For ruining our time”. Some people really should be banned from having kids. I mean i can’t see letting angel get into other peoples things, and i sure would not get mad like that at someone who was just telling her no. I could understand if i attacked her kid or something like that, but all i did was tell him NO.
well i was up at 830 ok odd for me but i had an appointment at 930 and wanted to be more alert than …huh? lol anyway appointment was delayed till 1045 so i have had time for some housework. girl woke up shortly after i did and came out with hugs and cuddles and I love yous. i so wish joe were here for it. however then it would be daddy getting them instead of me. now she is over on my bed jumping around and just being silly. I am feeling rather upbeat despite the cabin fever. joe is planning on taking me to a movie a month over the next few months if we can get a babysitter. (had to scare the girl, she hid in my blankets lol) yesterday to keep her out of the shrubs at the hospital i told her there were spiders in them. she is afraid of spiders and spiderwebs. she continued to tell me about the spiders and spiderwebs for the rest of our wait. she is very imaginative. it tickles me sometimes to see how smart she is. others it worries me. what if everyone is right and she is alot like i was, then how do i keep her safe? how do i keep the predators away?? ok so i am slightly paranoid. however i learned the hard way that some paranoia is healthy. it is a survival instinct. but i don’t want her to merely survive. I want her to flourish.and to be happy. is that to much to ask??ok enough rambling before the men in the clean white coats come….
as i was feeling down due to my mom’s silence and the fact that my therapist still seems to be refusing to call me with my first appointment, i posted on an “abuse” group looking for someone to tell me i wasn’t alone. there are times when i am sure the only people who would miss me if i disappeared were online. anyway i received a message saying that my post was refused by the moderators because their group was to deal with abuse issues. for me that is an issue that stems from my abuse. and yet it is not good enough…so yet again i fail to make the cut of another’s expectations….then he included suicide hotlines. who said i was suicidal? i just needed to know i count somewhere. i guess that is too much to ask. it’s enough to make me wonder why bother to even try when it comes to some of the online groups how is telling my mental problems to others going to help me or them? I should know better as it only ends with me in tears every time. this is my second Lj as i had to give up the other one because of someone continuously attacking me and making me feel foolish for “whining” about my issues that were bouncing around in my brain and making me wonder if i was sane. so i left off, and i found it was easier to have the journal and have the outlet than to bottle it up. now i wonder if it is worth exposing my self to the headache and heart break.i dunno maybe i am making too big a deal after all.