a shoot down

as i was feeling down due to my mom’s silence and the fact that my therapist still seems to be refusing to call me with my first appointment, i posted on an “abuse” group looking for someone to tell me i wasn’t alone. there are times when i am sure the only people who would miss me if i disappeared were online. anyway i received a message saying that my post was refused by the moderators because their group was to deal with abuse issues. for me that is an issue that stems from my abuse. and yet it is not good enough…so yet again i fail to make the cut of another’s expectations….then he included suicide hotlines. who said i was suicidal? i just needed to know i count somewhere. i guess that is too much to ask. it’s enough to make me wonder why bother to even try when it comes to some of the online groups how is telling my mental problems to others going to help me or them? I should know better as it only ends with me in tears every time. this is my second Lj as i had to give up the other one because of someone continuously attacking me and making me feel foolish for “whining” about my issues that were bouncing around in my brain and making me wonder if i was sane. so i left off, and i found it was easier to have the journal and have the outlet than to bottle it up. now i wonder if it is worth exposing my self to the headache and heart break.i dunno maybe i am making too big a deal after all.

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