Nightmares

             I have had them for as long as I can remember. I have looked into the idea of controlling my dreams.  However once they dream starts,  I am helpless.  I know that some who have never been in my place would suggest that I just “shake it off.” Waking from a nightmare for me isn’t logical. The fear and helplessness follows me.  I wake confused about where I am. I wake with my heart racing and my breathing uneven.  Depending on how long I was in it, I even sometimes awaken to bloody places where I have scratched myself or been hitting the wall. 
              Add to that the fact that I rarely get back to sleep after,  doing so is very often a herculean effort. So if I tell you I am tired. Or say I am having trouble sleeping…. please don’t feel the need to suggest I cut down on my coffee.  Most weeks I have less than a cup a day. Please understand,  if i tell you I am tired, it is merely me explaining that I am not at my best.  Even with nightmares,  I am not stopping… Don’t ask me to tell you what is so scary. Most of the time all i remember is the fear.  The feeling of being helpless.  No details other could I give you.
                      This nightmares are not a sign of weakness. They are the a sign that I am mentally unstable.  They are merely another reminder of my survival.  I made it through a lot of things.  I have lived an interesting life. How my mind handles some of it,  well, it could be worse.

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