I am not really good at people, and the interworkings of being a good friend or significant other. Mostly because I speak my mind and am damaged from abuse in my past. So speaking my mind means that what I say doesn’t often make sense to others. Add to this those days when I am in pain, or have insomnia, or even just am deeply into my own world and forget to socialize on occasion.
How I have managed to be so richly blessed in my friends and loved ones, I am not sure. Still, I treasure those who are close to me. And I am not the sort to hold a grudge, mostly. So it sometimes surprises me how angry people can get. And how vindictive they can become.
Relationships take work. All of them. Even family and friends, if you want a good solid relationship, you need to be willing to compromise. On both sides. This is much of why I am bad at people. I have a hatd time with compromise. I can’t afford to compromise because I have been forged by others lack of compromise. I do not ask much. I take care of my daughter, and of my best friend. I try to be there for my closest friends and family.
Now that being said, I am surprised tonight. A little over a year ago I had a friend pull away, for a reason that made no sense. So I accepted that I had lost a friend, and as I always do, I picked up and moved on. Tonight she messaged me with an apology, and an explanation. It eased my mind to finally understand. It also got me considering what goes into friendship. How often have I unwittingly hurt the ones around me because I was unable to explain? I found myself sad that I really couldn’t answer. So many people I have perhaps hurt. I apologize for those I have not intended to hurt. Sometimes the explanation is another form of compromise. Which is one of my flaws, for sure.