A concept flawed

noun: forgiveness; plural noun: forgivenesses
  1. the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven.
    “she is quick to ask forgiveness when she has overstepped the line”
    synonyms: pardon, absolution, exoneration,remission, dispensation,indulgence, clemency, mercy;More

    “we beg your forgiveness”
    antonyms: mercilessness, punishment
Old English forgiefenes, from forgiefen (past participle of forgiefan ‘forgive’) + the noun suffix -nes .
                     For me forgiveness has been a tough matter.  I am a survivor,  and I cannot tell you how many times I have been told to forgive my abuser.  That it is for my peace.  No it is not.  It is the way that everyone around me feels better about my mental state.  Forgiveness for me has always meant being able to go around the forgiven.  To accept that this was done and not hold the person responsible for it.  Well I refuse.  He hurt me.  I still wake up from nightmares.  That is unlikely to change.  I am not a victim anymore, I have healed as much as I am likely to do.  Still if I was to be in the same room with him,  I would not be civil.  He was responsible for some of the darkest moments of my life.  So I think that the concept of forgiveness needs to be adjusted.  If you Google it,  forgiveness comes up only as a way to heal from abuse.  The fact that the word has been adjusted in such a way says quite alot.  I am a writer.  I see words as they are meant.  So for me forgiveness is being misused,  and mostly by people who have never been there.  If someone chops your foot off then I  guess you can forgive them?  You can say that it’s ok and that you are fine with it?  Well I have my doubts.  My abuser caused horrific nightmares,  ptsd,  and an overwhelming claustrophobia.  Those are not something that my “forgiving” him will fix.  I have managed to put a shattered mind mostly back together.  I was dealing with dissociation.  I am not anymore. I am able to speak of what I went through,  even if it is not an easy thing.  Forgiving him will not change that. He is a monster.  Accepting that was needed.  That is not forgiveness,  I will never be able to be in the same room as him.  As a matter of fact,  I told him the last time I saw him that I would scream if I ever saw him again.  Forgiveness is not a tool for my peace of mind,  it is a tool for those who have not been where I have.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s