12 Bleakly Funny Reasons Not To Kill Myself

The Belle Jar

  1. My cat might end up eating my body out of desperation and honestly I can’t do that to her. I can’t be the person who forces that beautiful, innocent creature to become someone who resorts to something that isn’t technically cannibalism but MIGHT AS WELL BE BECAUSE SHE IS SPIRITUALLY IF NOT PHYSICALLY MY DAUGHTER. I’ve got enough on my conscience as it is.
  2. My apartment is a mess and I don’t want the paramedics or whoever judging me my piles of dirty dishes
  3. I would probably somehow fuck it up and end up not dead. Just like I fuck everything else up.
  4. There’s going to be a second season of Stranger Things and I need some closure on the Barb situation
  5. I’m pretty sure my mom has already bought my Christmas present and I’m not sure if she kept the receipt or what the store’s return/exchange policy is
  6. I’m too…

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