Thankful Thursday

Tomorrow will be absence from me, and I will explain. My mother and two of her sisters are coming Saturday to visit me. I have been sick, so my house needs attention. I feel crappy still, but I have to get it to where I won’t be as embarrassed. I have not gotten to see my aunts since I was a teen, and it has been a couple of years since I saw my mom. So I am fairly certain that they are not coming to see my house. Still, I can do that last minute sweep and straighten.

I debated, with all that I have going on today about just sliding into next week. I really considered it. I decided that I would be letting everyone down with out at least explaining.

I think that I am thankful for all that the blogging and writing have brought me in my life. And I am always thankful for family. So I leave you today with a question. What are you thankful for?

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Temporary Temporals

How fleeting life can be. A string of moments, all connected with something called a lifespan. I recently got news about a friend who is fighting cancer. It hit harder than I ever could have expected any news to hit. She is younger than me. And it feels damned unfair. Now mind you, as usual, she has it under control. She has always had it under control.

It seems like it is easy to react from outside of a situation with righteous indignation, and fear. Those two emotions cause us to fail to see the weight we put on the one inside with each question. Sometimes, it would be kinder to just be an ear.

It’s hard to be just an ear when we want to scream frustration. It will pass but what damage do you do to those around you as you fight to calm yourself down?

That is the stage I am in. I am fighting to remind myself that this too shall pass. It is not about me, and I have to learn how to be there for her. I have to not let my own fears come between me and supporting her. It is Damned Unfair, but life is not about what is fair. It is about learning, loving, and creating. So I wish for all of you…

May you love deeply,

May you learn happily,

And may you always

be able to create beauty!

Ciúnas

Words have power… Sometimes more than we realize. Take the title of this post for an example. It is a Gaelic word for silence. Yet, when spoken silence is broken.

Too many times we speak with no regard for those who hear. We react to our own version of things. It is a flaw in how human beings are made. We are tender underneath. We react when we are in pain, and we are not always nice. I, myself, have been guilty of this. If I were honest, the only regrets I have in life were just that. Speaking from a place of my own pain, without consideration for who I may have hurt in the process.

This quote has been popping up in my life a lot lately. Though I don’t know who said it. It has made me think. Yes, I am crazy. The muddled mind of a half mad poet and all…. But I don’t try to be cruel. I make mistakes. I apologize. But I also try to learn. I am trying to practice ciunas. The silence. The pause.

Some days I need to practice it so I don’t hurt me. Your inner voice is just as easily able to harm as your outer voice can. Only there it just adds to the bleeding. I think that is the hard part… Silencing that damn inner voice.

I struggle with mine. I know that my friends see me as better than I see myself. I asked for a gift for my birthday this year. It will be in two weeks on the thirteenth. I asked for my friends and family to tell me what they liked about me and what irked them. I got five comments. One was a joke (I think, with the guy in question it may have been serious) about more “nekkid pics.” Two couldn’t think of an irksome quality. The other two… Well both of them said the only thing that irked them about me was my self doubt. Self doubt is one of any artist’s sharpest blades.

I think that I am going to try to pack mine in the back of the drawer. It is time to be the artist who I was meant to be. I will today tell the inner voice “Ciúnas! ” and I suggest that you do the same.

Wednesday wacko

*image acquired from Google all rights to its owner.

I apologize for missing yesterday… Life hit a little harder than I expected yesterday. Nothing major, just a whole lot of little stuff that knocked me into overload. It happens, probably far more often than it should.

So I wanted to go lighter with my blog today to lighten my own mood. Monday night my boyfriend surprised me with a dozen lovely white roses.

It was just for the smile he knew it would ellict in me. He could have gotten red, but I prefer the more unusual. Yeah, I know white isn’t that unusual but it is not what everyone else would want.

I posted that picture on my Instagram with a poem inspired by it. (go look.) Now I can sit in my dining room enjoying the beautiful smell. I think that I will press one of the flowers.

The winner of the drawing I do with my newsletter gave me an interesting challenge. I have a games section in my Tea party that goes out every Friday. If you at least attempt to play with me via email you get entered in a monthly raffle. The winner is given an option, a handwritten poem or a drawing or a digital art personally done by me. (So if you have a favorite poem by me or want me to draw something specific for you… Join my Tea party and play with me.) You can get up to three entries a month. Anywho, the winner for February asked me for something that I am looking forward to drawing. January also chose a drawing.

I am nervous about an event I am doing on the second. I will be setting up a table at a local community fundraiser to sell my resin and jewelry pieces. The event happens on the first Saturday of each month. People gather and set up tables of wares to sell. The community center sells hot dogs to raise funds to stay open. My nerves were already bad, but the co-ordinator did not help. She told me that there was already two selling jewelry supposed to be there. If this actually pulls off I have been thinking about going to a local flea market and doing a table. I have to convince my nerves not to bolt. Wish me luck.

Well, now that I have been all over the map, what do we do? Oh… Well I guess we can make paper hats…. directions here

And off we go again. Cya tomorrow.

Last poetry

This is the last poetry I will be able to list as ©2018. It is always humbling and slightly confusing as each year passes. I think that 2019 has the potential for a lot of good. There is definitely going to be more activity from me on my patreon and here. I have so much to look forward to. What are you looking forward to in 2019?