Struggles, Beginnings and the peace gained 

     
           This is the garage door that started the journey for me.  I took this picture yesterday.  Six days from now I will have been with my boyfriend for twenty one years.  Some days that feels like a century… But I digress.  When we first got together,  his “grandma” (who was actually his adopted mother)  let us live in her garage.  She had a bathroom put in on the back porch of her house (and had him pay her back for it to teach the twenty one year old us about bills) but she never charged us for the utilities. At the time I was to headstrong to see the gift that she was giving us… She was stern and slightly scary to me.  I have learned that she really was an amazing woman since. 

          I can say that it was a struggle to make the garage into a home.  We ran gas lines for a stove.  We acquired a refrigerator from a local mission.  He and I slept on a large sofa we were given. I failed to appreciate the struggle then,  because at twenty one I was ignorant of the way of the world.  I had seen the darkness in man,  but I had really never had to do the housing thing.  When my family didn’t have a home I lived with my grandma.  So I always had a roof over my head.  The garage wasn’t even the worst place I have ever lived. I have lived ten people in a two bedroom trailer with no running water.  That is another story though. 

      Now Joe is working on getting the house.  He inherited a fourth of it and his adopted sister is giving him her share.  So we have only two halves to buy before it is ours.  This is a convoluted and stressful time for me.  I want to keep the memories of this house.  I want the stability for my family that the house will provide. But the house also has baggage.  Baggage in the form from of people who are currently in the house.  People who we are trying to get settled.  There is a lot involved with this. Add the fact that we are not able to settle in and you have the chaos of my life. 

      Then I looked at the garage door and felt like it had come full circle. Which is why I took the picture.  The feeling of peace came through in the picture. 

Stress and the results 

We all go through moments of stress. How we deal with said stress is how we are as a person. Now don’t get me wrong,  I am not judging anyone for the way that they deal with the stress in their life.  All that I am saying is that we as a society tend to see dealing with stress as a character definition. 

           However sometimes it is beyond our capacity to deal with.  Then stress becomes mental illness and nervous breakdowns. There becomes physical symptoms.  And it varies by the person. Stress is not something that is wanted by anyone.  It does however,  on occasion sharpen the mind and make clarity easier to achieve. 

            I,  myself,  have found that for example the stress of a deadline can get the creative juices flowing in some.  I have also seen others who freeze when placed under such stress. How do you handle stress?  And what are some relaxation techniques you have for dealing with stress when it shows up? 

Viewpoints 

Rain is the perfect weather to think in.  There is two sides to every story. That is something that we often forget,  especially when we are fighting.  When we are fighting,  all we want is to express our views.  We want to show that we hurt,  and that we believe strongly in what we are saying.  We forget that we love,  and that we may not be the only one who is right.  Two sides to each story does not always mean just right and wrong. 

          Sometimes,  an argument is about two people who have valid points and neither know how bend to see the other view. It really is normal.  However during the fight,  it is not something that anyone thinks of. I myself have been guilty of this.  We get so involved in ourselves that we find ourselves alone with hurt hearts and confused minds.  

          Still in the moment it is very hard to step back.  It is not a thing that comes naturally to most of us.  So we have to decide whether or not to back down or to feel like we are untrue to our own truths.  Standing our ground can cause friction between us and whomever we are arguing with. Sometimes backing down is allowing our truths to be ignored.  

            It is possible for both sides to be right.  So when you deal with the hurt from an argument,  keep that in mind. If you do not want to back down from your view,  it is fine.  Just consider that you are not the only one involved.  Consider if the other party could be right as well. 

Names

What is in a name,  a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet. ~Shakespeare 
So I have nearly always hated my name.  I have had reasons… And they seemed like good ones.  But it really came down to the fact that I never heard my name unless I was in trouble.  Not my full name anyway.  So I spent a hefty portion of my life looking at other names and feeling envy. I wanted to be anyone else,  and I felt that a lot of it was the name.  My full name is Patricia Lynn Harris.  So common a name.  Google it.  There are hundreds of Patricia Harris’s out there.  As a younger girl I would write as Susan Ann Andrews.  I adored the name Susan.  It seemed to embody all of the desire I wanted. I was even “Sassy Susie” on the Cb radio. 

         It was something that I always assumed would be my pen name.  I am not sure why I put my full name on the first thing I published. It was not something that I really thought out.  I was just trying to have my voice be heard.  After that it was a matter of principal.  I was already out as that name.  To change it felt like I was hiding from the past.  That was not something that I was willing to do.  

         So I did the poetry.  I did the kids books.  And I was doing all of it with who I was. Stories for my girl,  and poetry that was how I dealt with the emotional baggage of life. So I forgot about pen names. I didn’t need one. 

         Then my Joe,  bless him,  decided to be my muse.  He started giving me dark ideas.  Delightful ideas,  ones that I wanted to read. Ideas that hadn’t been written.  However the ideas were violent and really not kid friendly. So I found myself needing a pen name. I wanted something that was more true to who I was. 

              I am pagan.  I have a name that I use in my ritual times.  Serenity Rose Lace. I wanted to at least use some of this name.  So I chose to use a variation on Serenity.  Serena. I also wanted to acknowledge the darkness of what I was wanting to write… So Mossgraves.  It sounded good to me.  

               So that is where my Pen name originated.  What name would you choose,  If you could name yourself? 

Radio nerves. 

Zombiepalooza Radio Live

So I got the chance to sit down and talk to Jackie Chin from Zombiepalooza.  And I didn’t blow it.  I was definitely nervous but I had a lot of fun!  If you have not checked her out,  then you really should. 

Reminiscent 

Bare feet 

And heavy dreams. 

Atop the sky, 

Life was eternal it seems. 

Hidden forts, 

Behind bleachers, 

In the trees. 
Running about pretending 

That we would always be, 

Friends and dreamers 

In infinity. 
Innocence a haze, 

Setting the tone, 

Childhood a state 

Best when not alone. 

Blog Hyginks

So yesterday I was a busy blogger.  I really should be more regular in my posts…. But I am not good at regular. Now that I have the app on my phone it is more likely.  I am a creature of convenience. I try to improve my actions,  I try to get into the habits that I want to have. Still routine is not easy for me.  My life is very chaotic. I warned you with the tagline… Lol.  Crazy rarely is predictable.  Still,  when trying to deal with a blog,  and selling what I wrote,  I am aware that if there is no updates then I will have no readers.  So I will attempt to do better.  If nothing else,  I will try to share some of the awesome blogs that I read.