Thursday Tea Party

Today is a coffee day. So much on my mind today, and no where near enough sleep.

Did you see that my bestie has a new book out? You can get it here. I am so proud of her. She worked really hard to get it out.

I applied, and was accepted, for a position with Coffee House Writers. I will be doing a bi-weekly article for them. My anxiety is through the roof. After all what do I write? Especially for the first one. After I get used to it, I don’t think that it will be as bad. The article has to use 5 of their tags… Which are expansive, but I am not one who is used to conformity with tags. I am stuck in a debate whether to write an article, a story, or a poem. It is so much to think on.

Have you preordered Inspiration Without a Home yet? It releases on the 30th of September. It is a hard story for me, my own. Memoirs are never easy to write. This was not any different.

I have been working on my studio. I nearly have all craft and art supplies moved in. I still have to organize it. I will be posting pictures as I get it useable.

Social anxiety is no joke. I have jewelry pieces and paintings to sell. I have an online store but it is not as active as I would like. I think it is due to me not being as good at taking pictures of what I make. My resin pieces and art always look so much better in person. I can get a table at the local flea market for $5 a day. The problem is that I am terrified that I will make a mess of selling it. So I may be putting out time and money for a fail. I love making the pieces. But I am often putting a lot of money into crafting with no return. So I am planning to do the flea market the first weekend in October.

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Familiar Friday

Today I am tired. I wanted to do a post, but I just need to take a break. I got approved to write for Coffee House Writers. My partner just released her first YA Novel. We have been dealing with both vehicles going down at once, and the riding lawn mower broke a belt. Add in changing out a broken dishwasher in my kitchen and it has been a busy week.

Now I don’t like to give excuses, you deserve a post. So I figure that I will share some of the inspiration memes I have. Back to the normally scheduled posts on Monday.

Tuesday Tunes

Billie Eilish – All Good Girls Go to Hell

Lyrics –

My Lucifer is lonely
Standing there, killing time
Can’t commit to anything but a crime
Peter’s on vacation, an open invitation
Animals, evidence
Pearly gates look more like a picket fence
Once you get inside ’em
Got friends but can’t invite them
Hills burn in California
My turn to ignore ya
Don’t say I didn’t warn ya
All the good girls go to hell
‘Cause even God herself has enemies
And once the water starts to rise
And heaven’s out of sight
She’ll want the devil on her team
My Lucifer is lonely
Look at you needing me
You know I’m not your friend without some greenery
Walk in wearing fetters
Peter should know better
Your cover up is caving in
Man is such a fool
Why are we saving him?
Poisoning themselves now
Begging for our help, wow!
Hills burn in California
My turn to ignore ya
Don’t say I didn’t warn ya
All the good girls go to hell
‘Cause even God herself has enemies
And once the water starts to rise
And heaven’s out of sight
She’ll want the devil on her team
My Lucifer is lonely
There’s nothing left to save now
My god is gonna owe me
There’s nothing left to save now

My two cents –

This artist surprises me. She is really talented, and her music appeals to the darkness in my soul. The video for this is cinematic and marvelous. The lyrics are pointed and speak so much of the world today.

Monday musings

I know that I usually post poetry on Monday, but the last week has been a rough one for me and creating. Between a death in the family, that hit rather hard, and general aches and pains… This week has been a lot of “couch time”…basically me and my television have seen more of each other than I ever do.

There is always a little slow down after I publish a new volume. When I wonder if I am foolish and vain for publishing. When I acknowledge that I don’t do well with pushing the books that I already have out. When I wonder who I would be if I didn’t write. When the idea scares me, so I try to force it… And end up scraping a few really bad foced starts. This is the first month after I publish a new volume.

Then, I start actually calming down… Realize that I don’t have to sell it. I have written it. I have put it out into the world so that it can be seen. I have done my part. It is my job to write, not to force anyone to read it. Those who are meant to be be my readers will find it, as long as I keep sharing. Which I have been doing a bit more of. I have been putting my poetry on graphics and putting more on my blog, and Instagram. I have a public album on Facebook and a board on Pinterest. In the meantime what that time of panic and reflection often means is that I have nothing worth sharing today, except for the view of my weirdo neurotic mind. Some like that view though, so I decided to share.

Tuesday Tunes

Unlike Pluto – Villain in my own Story

Lyrics –

I was the one who wanted nothing
I was the one who lived in pain
I was the one who strived for nothing
I was the one who stood in rain
I feel like I’m no good I should run away
I feel like failure’s one step ahead of me
Fuck all the people with the Bentley’s with their nice lives
Fuck all the people in the mansions with their bright skies
Fuck all the people sitting pretty with their sane minds
Fuck, think I’m becoming the villain of my story
I am the one that’s holding grudges
I am the one that lives in pain
I am the one who’s out of touch and
I am the one inflicting pain
I feel like I’m no good I should run away
I feel like failure’s one step ahead of me
Fuck all the people with the Bentley’s with their nice lives
Fuck all the people in the mansions with their bright skies
Fuck all the people sitting pretty with their sane minds
Fuck, think I’m becoming the villain of my story
And I’ve been the bad guy for so long, I’m growing tired
Is it too damn late to twist the plot to turn it round

My two cents –

I have been doing a lot of thinking about perspective lately. Especially since writing my memoir. We are all the villain in someone else’s story. When we become the villain in our own story is when we start to change. I know that my story as seen by others was different than it was for me. I can’t speak from their point of view. I can only speak my truth. So, when I tell my story… It will always be shaded by my perception. How it affected me. How it changed me. I try to look at others perspective, but it is not easy with some situations.

Inspiration without a home is a memoir. My story. It is not completely linear… Nor should it be. There is stories about abuse, about rape. There is a life in those pages. Not a good life, but one lived. That life created the woman I am today. And I am at least remotely sure that I was the villain of some of the story as told by others.

Random thoughts of poetry.

Now I normally don’t do this. I don’t explain my poetry, or my art, because I think that most people see what they want to in anything creative. I feel like explanation ruins a piece. To be honest this post is not entirely an explanation… But rather an aside. I have been thinking a lot lately about accountability. About guilt and mistakes. About what I am responsible for in my life and what regrets I should have and what it all means.

I have thought about the regrets that others have expressed towards me. I find that I have very few actual regrets. Each of my choices I made with all of the knowledge that I had at the time. I have revisited some of them later… And hindsight makes regret easy… If you let it.

The problem comes in when you allow regret to consume your conscience. We are as a society, cold. We have lost the conscience. We have lost the knowledge of good and evil, or the will to care. When prison actually looks better than trying to make your way in this miserable world…lives of others no longer matter. That is not a mental illness thing… It is a wake up call.

We have a society where you can work 60+ hours a week and still not be able to afford to pay rent. We live in a society where there is often no way of breaking even, much less getting ahead. Where hate and violence is broadcast nightly on the news. So I have to wonder how we as a society can fix this? How can we take responsibility for the problem and fix it?

Tuesday Tunes

Hello my lovelies! Thank you all for your understanding and well wishes yesterday. I am not back to 100% but I am doing better. This weekend was a lot of me sleeping to recover. Today’s song took me some thinking. I like to use songs that have meaning to me, beyond just me liking it. That way I can perhaps encite a discussion, or try to. So there were several that popped to mind due to indepence day being this week…the one that won the spotlight in my mind isn’t some patriotic theme.

Today I want to talk about Independence Day by Martina McBride.

Well she seemed all right by dawn’s early light
Though she looked a little worried and weak.
She tried to pretend he wasn’t drinkin’ again
But daddy’d left the proof on her cheek.
And I was only eight years old that summer
And I always seemed to be in the way
So I took myself down to the fair in town
On Independence Day.

Well ,word gets around in a small, small town
They said he was a dangerous man
But mama was proud and she stood her ground
But she knew she was on the losin’ end.
Some folks whispered and some folks talked
But everybody looked the other way
And when time ran out there was no one about
On Independence Day.

Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing
Let the whole world know that today
Is a day of reckoning.
Let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong
Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay
It’s Independence Day.

Well, she lit up the sky that fourth of July
By the time that the firemen come
They just put out the flames
And took down some names
And send me to the county home.
Now I ain’t sayin’ it’s right or it’s wrong
But maybe it’s the only way.
Talk about your revolution
It’s Independence Day.

Let freedom ring, let the white dove sing
Let the whole world know that today
Is a day of reckoning.
Let the weak be strong, let the right be wrong
Roll the stone away, let the guilty pay
It’s Independence Day.

Roll the stone away
It’s Independence Day.

This song is so powerful. The lyrics speak so much about the other side of Domestic Violence. The side of those who are helpless, just watching and having no way of stopping that speeding mess.