Hello lovelies! Tonight, I have coffee instead of tea… And lots of it. I am in the home stretch for Beauty’s Tears – only 9 poems left to write. I am hoping to knock out the writing before the first. I likely will not be getting to Layout until December, but it means that Heart Drops will be started with the poems of the PAD challenge.
Fae Corps will be doing another round of daily prompts in November. I will probably be reblogging many of them. The first group got a good reception so we decided to do them for nano/poetry writers in November.
I have been approached by another poet/author about doing a guest blog. Her idea intrigued me! So I will be posting it as soon as she gets it to me for you to read. I enjoy her poetry so I believe that you will enjoy the post.
So… I am facing my fears… And then some. I asked about doing a author signing event yesterday. I also have found a craft fair to try and sell my art and crafts at. This is such a big thing. I have been making art, jewelry, and resin pieces. And due to fear, I have been sticking it all in bins. Anxiety often keeps me from doing. I was called out for my bs. Joe, my boyfriend, told me that if I was not going to do anything to sell or use it then I should stop making it. I hate it when he is right. So I am swallowing the what if I fail fear. The first craft show is a local hot dog sale on the first Saturday in November. I have to get to earning money for books for the signing event. I personally have 19 poetry volumes, 3 kids books, and a memoir. Plus Serena’s 2. And the anthology. That makes it expensive to have even a small amount of copies to sell. Those numbers just make me want to cry.
The beginning of the year will be seeing a lot of new things, from me and from Fae Corps. We have a lot planned. I will be seeing the release of my Beauty’s Tears and the anthology Faery Footprints in December. I am hoping that Serena will have a book ready for release with the new year. I am looking at the release of the audiobook version for the princess lost.
This year is still going to be bringing new challenges. What are you hoping to do before the end of 2019?
Today is a coffee day. So much on my mind today, and no where near enough sleep.
Did you see that my bestie has a new book out? You can get it here. I am so proud of her. She worked really hard to get it out.
I applied, and was accepted, for a position with Coffee House Writers. I will be doing a bi-weekly article for them. My anxiety is through the roof. After all what do I write? Especially for the first one. After I get used to it, I don’t think that it will be as bad. The article has to use 5 of their tags… Which are expansive, but I am not one who is used to conformity with tags. I am stuck in a debate whether to write an article, a story, or a poem. It is so much to think on.
Have you preordered Inspiration Without a Home yet? It releases on the 30th of September. It is a hard story for me, my own. Memoirs are never easy to write. This was not any different.
I have been working on my studio. I nearly have all craft and art supplies moved in. I still have to organize it. I will be posting pictures as I get it useable.
Social anxiety is no joke. I have jewelry pieces and paintings to sell. I have an online store but it is not as active as I would like. I think it is due to me not being as good at taking pictures of what I make. My resin pieces and art always look so much better in person. I can get a table at the local flea market for $5 a day. The problem is that I am terrified that I will make a mess of selling it. So I may be putting out time and money for a fail. I love making the pieces. But I am often putting a lot of money into crafting with no return. So I am planning to do the flea market the first weekend in October.
I know that I usually post poetry on Monday, but the last week has been a rough one for me and creating. Between a death in the family, that hit rather hard, and general aches and pains… This week has been a lot of “couch time”…basically me and my television have seen more of each other than I ever do.
There is always a little slow down after I publish a new volume. When I wonder if I am foolish and vain for publishing. When I acknowledge that I don’t do well with pushing the books that I already have out. When I wonder who I would be if I didn’t write. When the idea scares me, so I try to force it… And end up scraping a few really bad foced starts. This is the first month after I publish a new volume.
Then, I start actually calming down… Realize that I don’t have to sell it. I have written it. I have put it out into the world so that it can be seen. I have done my part. It is my job to write, not to force anyone to read it. Those who are meant to be be my readers will find it, as long as I keep sharing. Which I have been doing a bit more of. I have been putting my poetry on graphics and putting more on my blog, and Instagram. I have a public album on Facebook and a board on Pinterest. In the meantime what that time of panic and reflection often means is that I have nothing worth sharing today, except for the view of my weirdo neurotic mind. Some like that view though, so I decided to share.
Something new I am thinking about. Sometimes I want to jam. Just free verse because I have too much on my mind. It will likely be rambling and not the cleanest verse. But… It will be a good look into who I am behind the edited and clean verse I usually post. This will also not necessarily be the way that the poetry ends in the books. This section will not be scheduled. It will be a whim. And I make no promise of quality….
Writing. Crap. What do I say? Do I sit here and try to explain that, at least for me, writing is something akin to breathing? That there’s never been a time when I didn’t need to put words together? And then I would have to tell you just how it feels to read what I wrote and think that I am not cut out for this. How many people who I know personally who are brilliant at this whole writing gig. Still… I would have to mention that the idea of stopping is actually painful. It has been how I was able to see the answers to life, since before I ever realized that there was a question.
Usually, I try to use the Friday post to give tips, and help with the whole writing and publishing thing. And I think that is great to keep the blog going… But today I was thinking about the reason why I write. Yeah… I could probably claim that I was trying to add beauty. But I don’t generally lie. My art is more how I do beauty. Abstract and pencil drawings to encourage happiness in the eye of the beholder. My children’s books are a way of connecting with my daughter, as they have thus far been stories I told her, or wrote for her. Serena’s stuff is stories that I want to read. But if I am honest with myself… My main writing is my poetry.
My poetry will never be hallmark stuff. My poetry is raw emotion and survival. I have lived a survivors life. My poetry is how I have been able to express myself even when my voice was stolen. I could write my story… Even though I was being told I lied. I could write it and it was accepted because it was poetry. It was written in a way that meant I was non-threatening to those who were part of hurting me. And it was written off as just an angsty teen writing depressing poetry… For don’t we all have that stage?
After I was free, and I was no longer needing verse to speak my truth, well it was still the easiest way to speak my pain. To spread my views. It was habit. I may never be able to sit along with the likes of Poe or Dickenson… But my words will remain. I will be there when another lost soul seeks to know that they are not alone.
How fleeting life can be. A string of moments, all connected with something called a lifespan. I recently got news about a friend who is fighting cancer. It hit harder than I ever could have expected any news to hit. She is younger than me. And it feels damned unfair. Now mind you, as usual, she has it under control. She has always had it under control.
It seems like it is easy to react from outside of a situation with righteous indignation, and fear. Those two emotions cause us to fail to see the weight we put on the one inside with each question. Sometimes, it would be kinder to just be an ear.
It’s hard to be just an ear when we want to scream frustration. It will pass but what damage do you do to those around you as you fight to calm yourself down?
That is the stage I am in. I am fighting to remind myself that this too shall pass. It is not about me, and I have to learn how to be there for her. I have to not let my own fears come between me and supporting her. It is Damned Unfair, but life is not about what is fair. It is about learning, loving, and creating. So I wish for all of you…
May you love deeply,
May you learn happily,
And may you always
be able to create beauty!
I don’t usually do pictures of my self here. I usually stick with my art and go…. But I feel like this is the best way of expressing my thoughts here. Each of them are pictures of me at the various stages of life. Picture #1 is child… I think that I was 2? Maybe 3. I had no thought of the future… It was all about living and playing. Picture #2 is my senior year. I made the jewelry I was wearing. I saw everything I wanted in life become impossible. I worked so hard just to find out that life was unfair. I didn’t see myself reaching 30…and I was beyond over caring. I couldn’t go to college. I couldn’t get custody of my son… Life was sucking, but I didn’t care because I could survive. I had friends and family. I was incredibly oblivious and it worked. Picture #3 I was in my early 30’s… I had a toddler. That is the best picture of that time in my life. I was out thousands of miles from home, stuck in what seemed the most foriegn land I would ever know. I had made it… Now what did I do. I was healing my mind and raising my girl. I think that I spent the next few years just asking myself what now. How does one plan for an age they never expected to reach? And when they do, how do you find that steady point? Picture #4…that is 4 years ago. My life is in chaos. That is the year I decided to start a blog. I published more, that is the year two of my kids books and another poetry volume was released. It was the beginning of another chapter in my weird story. I don’t want to put another picture here because I don’t feel like I am in another era for me. I am in my crone phase, and I think that I am rocking it. I am growing. Each day I learn.
When I started with the whole blog thing I was really green. Now I watch my following grow daily. I only hope it is because you are enjoying the content. Thank you for seeing me! Btw Friday will be prompts again and I am hoping to do the monthly links post on Saturday. I am just over 350 following. At 500 I will do a drawing for a hand written or unique drawing from me. Till tomorrow.