This is the garage door that started the journey for me. I took this picture yesterday. Six days from now I will have been with my boyfriend for twenty one years. Some days that feels like a century… But I digress. When we first got together, his “grandma” (who was actually his adopted mother) let us live in her garage. She had a bathroom put in on the back porch of her house (and had him pay her back for it to teach the twenty one year old us about bills) but she never charged us for the utilities. At the time I was to headstrong to see the gift that she was giving us… She was stern and slightly scary to me. I have learned that she really was an amazing woman since.
I can say that it was a struggle to make the garage into a home. We ran gas lines for a stove. We acquired a refrigerator from a local mission. He and I slept on a large sofa we were given. I failed to appreciate the struggle then, because at twenty one I was ignorant of the way of the world. I had seen the darkness in man, but I had really never had to do the housing thing. When my family didn’t have a home I lived with my grandma. So I always had a roof over my head. The garage wasn’t even the worst place I have ever lived. I have lived ten people in a two bedroom trailer with no running water. That is another story though.
Now Joe is working on getting the house. He inherited a fourth of it and his adopted sister is giving him her share. So we have only two halves to buy before it is ours. This is a convoluted and stressful time for me. I want to keep the memories of this house. I want the stability for my family that the house will provide. But the house also has baggage. Baggage in the form from of people who are currently in the house. People who we are trying to get settled. There is a lot involved with this. Add the fact that we are not able to settle in and you have the chaos of my life.
Then I looked at the garage door and felt like it had come full circle. Which is why I took the picture. The feeling of peace came through in the picture.
We all go through moments of stress. How we deal with said stress is how we are as a person. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not judging anyone for the way that they deal with the stress in their life. All that I am saying is that we as a society tend to see dealing with stress as a character definition.
However sometimes it is beyond our capacity to deal with. Then stress becomes mental illness and nervous breakdowns. There becomes physical symptoms. And it varies by the person. Stress is not something that is wanted by anyone. It does however, on occasion sharpen the mind and make clarity easier to achieve.
I, myself, have found that for example the stress of a deadline can get the creative juices flowing in some. I have also seen others who freeze when placed under such stress. How do you handle stress? And what are some relaxation techniques you have for dealing with stress when it shows up?
Rain is the perfect weather to think in. There is two sides to every story. That is something that we often forget, especially when we are fighting. When we are fighting, all we want is to express our views. We want to show that we hurt, and that we believe strongly in what we are saying. We forget that we love, and that we may not be the only one who is right. Two sides to each story does not always mean just right and wrong.
Sometimes, an argument is about two people who have valid points and neither know how bend to see the other view. It really is normal. However during the fight, it is not something that anyone thinks of. I myself have been guilty of this. We get so involved in ourselves that we find ourselves alone with hurt hearts and confused minds.
Still in the moment it is very hard to step back. It is not a thing that comes naturally to most of us. So we have to decide whether or not to back down or to feel like we are untrue to our own truths. Standing our ground can cause friction between us and whomever we are arguing with. Sometimes backing down is allowing our truths to be ignored.
It is possible for both sides to be right. So when you deal with the hurt from an argument, keep that in mind. If you do not want to back down from your view, it is fine. Just consider that you are not the only one involved. Consider if the other party could be right as well.
Yes, I am slow sometimes in responding on Twitter or the like. Doesn’t mean that I am less likely to do so. The problem with apps like crowdfire and similar is that it takes away from the socializing. You are sending out blanket messages and showing that all of your concern is the numbers. People are not numbers…. And they never should be. You can miss some amazing interaction and the amazing ideas behind the individual by using those apps. As a writer, I love stories. Each person is made up of a unique set of stories that came from their unique life. Why would anyone deny themselves the opportunity to hear them? Of course you will find the occasional troll. But if you are willing to allow them, even trolls can teach you about people. Social media outlets are for being social…. Quit automating that.
Just like the
Freedom a lie,
In the land of
Stolen from life,
Forced to live
No longer human,
A bought toy
Forced to endure.
No one sees
What is left of me.
Except a commodity.
(Just a note)
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I have been writing more lately. This is a good thing. my poetry is flowing. And the stories are trying to do the same. this is where my issue is. I am not a planner when I write. So when I have a dozen stories vying for space in my mind and am only one person…. well it means that I get so far in a story and lose track of where it should go. which is entirely frustrating. Planning the story only causes me to loose focus quicker. I am not saying this to whine. it is just the way that I am.
So I am feeling that frustration with my current story and I set a deadline with my editor. What that means is something ends up being forgotten in my struggle to make the story fall into line. For me… I am sorry to say… it has been this blog. I wanted to apologize for this. I will likely be lax in posting until I am finished with this one and sent to the editor. I hope that you understand and return to see me after the 27th.
So I have my entire life been unable to fit exactly any label. I was sporty, nerdy, geeky, a loner, a bookworm, social, antisocial, introvert, extroverted, a joiner…well you can see where I am going with this. It was not a true issue for me, and was all in the same breath. I always felt like I was on the outside. I laugh… I collect labels… But then I would hide the fact that it hurt. Why should I be a label? I have never been very good at limiting myself…
That being said…. My twelve year old is very much like me. She is fluid in who she is and what she does. She asked me today…. Mama why do people have to label each other? Why can’t they just accept that each person grows and change with each passing day? …….how is it that this child who has not yet reached even a decade and a half umderstands something that eludes over half the human race?
Perhaps we need to learn instead of separately labelling each other, to instead celebrate the uniqueness that is the human race.