Straight talk Tuesday

Creative. I have my tools that I can work with. With words, technology, paint, Resin, beads, and wire I create. Well a few other things, but those are my main mediums. It came to mind because there are some other mediums I would love to try.

I shared a post that I saw on Facebook asking people to describe me in one word. I was not surprised that creative came up. Not even surprised that it was first. Then I was browsing what I call craft porn on YouTube. I like the videos of people making stuff. I usually go for stuff that with the right tools I could make… Then there is the glassblowing vids. They are addictive… Not because I think I can do it…. But because they are so freaking talented in a media I don’t ever see myself trying.

So it appears that I have limits to my creativity. I still want to explore clay, even to the point of a pottery wheel. I want to play with polymer Clay. And perler beads. Maybe some needle felting (though I have my doubts that I will enjoy it). Wood and metal working… So much of the ones I want to try require tools, or the medium itself is expensive.

I think that creating for the sake of creating is never a bad thing. So what medium do you use?

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Support

I am trying to do more art and more writing. It is not an inexpensive thing. However thanks to Patreon even a dollar a month helps to get the supplies I need to keep doing creative endeavors.

Interested in helping me to art? Www.patreon.com/pattimouse

All of my patrons are appreciated.

Patreon

So I am a strong online presence, so very few social media outlets that I do not have some useage of. It makes sense for me to set up a patreon to see if I can use my art to support myself.

You want to see stuff no one else does? Want to support my art, my poetry and my dreams? Come be my Patreon!

Vision issues

So thanks to a really screwed up business and their practices… It is unlikely that I will be getting my glasses this year. I went in march to get a eye exam to Charleston vision source. Now I highly recommend avoiding them. In good faith I gave them my insurance information, believing that they would tell me if it was something that they did not take or if it was something that would be a problem. So I had my eye exam done. Then, while I was hurting from the eye dilation, they tell me that I owe $240 …and that my insurance is out of network for them. So I ask about payments. Am told that they only take full amount. And I would not be allowed my prescription until I paid it. So I told them to charge my insurance company. Then I came home and called the insurance. They tell me that the office is in network. So the insurance company called the office. Told them how to charge it. Then came back and said that I needed to stop preventing the office from charging the insurance. I called the office back and reiterated that they needed to charge the insurance.
Well I waited a week. Called. Was told the insurance (medical) refused the charge. I said that they were told to charge the vision plan. Office manager said that the vision plan would not cover. So I reiterated… Charge vision plan.
Am told that they will. A month later, having heard nothing I arranged for another eye exam with a different dr. I show up to be told the eye exam had been paid. I still have not recieved the script. So I called the office. They claim that they will fax it over. We wait two hours. I call twice more. Finally I was given to the office manager. She said that they were not paid. I call insurance company. Insurance company sends proof of payment… Then office manager tells me $32 refraction fee and $12 were what I owed. I am beyond frustrated and hung up on her. So after calm down i call to get an exact owed $. And I was told $158. Locally that I have found… The cheapest eye exam is $105. My insurance will not cover another this year. So I am not getting glasses. And I have been screwed by bad business practices and a vision place who is less about visual health and more about money. I have made this post in hopes of this raising awareness in the way this place treats it’s patients. Please feel free to share. Charleston Vision source. Office of Alan Rada/ Laura Suppa. They are treating their patients poorly.

It’s all about perspective

I’m sick. And when I get sick, I get maudlin. I got a notice that I was getting a deposit from Amazon for the books that I have available. It is the biggest deposit yet, a whole $2.77. That amazes me. It is a sign that people are buying the books that I have written… Mostly poetry, but I have some children’s books and a novella (as Serena).

When I told my mother that I was published her first question was if I had made any money. At the time I stumbled with my answer because I had only made thirty some cents. The fact that I had made anything was a miracle to me, but I knew that would not be what she wanted to hear.

For me, publishing is only a way of being heard. Still, making enough from my writing to buy a drink…. Well it humbles me. Would I like to be able to pay the bills through it? Well of course. I am not stupid. I just choose to be thankful for the small things. How often does changing the perspective change the way something feels?

Small miracles lift up the downtrodden. I choose to see this as a small miracle, so that I am uplifted. What perspective can you change to adjust your view?

Kindness and cruelty

I struggle to see myself as others do. I can list my flaws innumerable. I logically know that I am not what my mental gremlins say. I am not selfish, nor cruel…not intentionally anyway. Still there are those days where I expect more out of people simply because it is something that I can do. I am a poor uneducated woman who is more than a little crazy. I am in constant pain due to physical issues. Still I show up, I do what needs done, and I move on. So on the occasion that I need to remind myself that I am not normal….well I find myself also reminding myself to be kind.

Kindness is not just for the rest of humanity. Sometimes the person who needs your kindness most is yourself. My writing coach, the Amazing Debbie Burns, gave me a couple of methods of dealing with the negative thoughts. One involves listing 100 words about yourself. You then relace negative words with positive ones. This is meant to try to get the brain to replace them when you think about self. We have to try and train ourselves to keep the mental gremlins at bay. Still after a lifetime of self abuse, it is not terribly easy to see the good that everyone else does.

So I will continue to do my word lists to help me see the bright light shining. I will start with the words I did above. “poor uneducated crazy” are all three replaceable. Yes, I have money woes but I have food, I have clothes, I have shelter. So I am content. There see one word replaced. Uneducated is not true. I have my high school diploma. I have taught myself computer programming in c#. I have studied several other things independently. So I can replace that with self educated. Now only one word remains. Crazy. Ugh it is the hardest. After all, I am struggling with mental illness. I am aware of the stigmas. I think perhaps for that I should use the word Unique.

So what words do you say about yourself that perhaps you need to change? I would encourage everyone to examine the labels we use to define ourselves, and in turn the labels we call others.

Life storiesĀ 

    How many times have you found yourself thinking about the past? I am guilty of doing it often.  We are all a collection of stories,  some that we do not tell.  The reason why we don’t varies some,  depending upon the story. Some we are ashamed of,  some we think are going to be boring to the world around us. 

         I am finding out that sometimes those stories are more interesting than we realize. I try to be open about my history and tell my stories,  but some of them do not really sit on the mind as something that I need to tell. Yet,  each of them are a part of who I am.  I am a unique individual who has seen some of the darkness that lives in the heart of man.  I am a survivor who has learned to make do with what I have. And I am a woman who has seen both good and bad,  and came through it ready to try to tell my stories. I don’t know if I will ever be able to write all of the stories of a life survived,  or even if I should.  Not all of my mistakes are ones that any one would learn from… Even me.  Still for now,  I will attempt to continue to dribble my story in small gushes to this blog,  and to my poetry.  Perhaps my journey will aid those who stumble across my words.