This is the garage door that started the journey for me. I took this picture yesterday. Six days from now I will have been with my boyfriend for twenty one years. Some days that feels like a century… But I digress. When we first got together, his “grandma” (who was actually his adopted mother) let us live in her garage. She had a bathroom put in on the back porch of her house (and had him pay her back for it to teach the twenty one year old us about bills) but she never charged us for the utilities. At the time I was to headstrong to see the gift that she was giving us… She was stern and slightly scary to me. I have learned that she really was an amazing woman since.
I can say that it was a struggle to make the garage into a home. We ran gas lines for a stove. We acquired a refrigerator from a local mission. He and I slept on a large sofa we were given. I failed to appreciate the struggle then, because at twenty one I was ignorant of the way of the world. I had seen the darkness in man, but I had really never had to do the housing thing. When my family didn’t have a home I lived with my grandma. So I always had a roof over my head. The garage wasn’t even the worst place I have ever lived. I have lived ten people in a two bedroom trailer with no running water. That is another story though.
Now Joe is working on getting the house. He inherited a fourth of it and his adopted sister is giving him her share. So we have only two halves to buy before it is ours. This is a convoluted and stressful time for me. I want to keep the memories of this house. I want the stability for my family that the house will provide. But the house also has baggage. Baggage in the form from of people who are currently in the house. People who we are trying to get settled. There is a lot involved with this. Add the fact that we are not able to settle in and you have the chaos of my life.
Then I looked at the garage door and felt like it had come full circle. Which is why I took the picture. The feeling of peace came through in the picture.
According to Wikipedia… An artist is : An artist is a person engaged in one or more of any of a broad spectrum of activities related to creating art, practicing the arts or demonstrating an art. The common usage in both everyday speech and academic discourse is a practitioner in the visual arts only.
I find myself so often considering whether or not I should use the title of artist. I know that I am an artist… But I feel like what I do doesn’t seem as good. Yes this is my anxiety talking. But part of the issue is art is truly subjective. I can look at a picture and feel like it is genius, and then you can look and see it as garbage. The same thing goes for any kind of art…. Paintings, poetry, yarnwork, music. With no baseline to measure the art against, is it really any wonder how many artists fail to have strong self esteem? Add the fact that you then are expected to, if you want to make a living from the art, find the way to sell these small expressions of your soul. It takes a huge amount of courage to even show another soul what you have done. Then deciding what you are worth? Bah I see it as nearly crippling.
Those who don’t know me may not understand this. I am a pacifist. I really and honestly believe that violence does not solve anything. To my mind, violence only exacerbates any situation and makes it worse. That being said, I am deeply worried about the state of affairs in the United States. I feel like we went from the melting pot to the boiling pot overnight. I worry that the suicide rates will go up with this revelation of the new president and of the hardships we as a nation will be facing for the next four years. Don’t get me wrong. I am scared. But allowing fear to overtake me solves nothing.
We have to recover from the shock, and start to put our brains to use. This country is still the same, even if it feels different. There is laws to prevent the abuse I am seeing reports of on social media. There are places still to assist you if you are in danger. No one has the right to harm another person, no matter what the people who follow the hate believe. Practice Kindness. It is needed now more than ever. Do art! Please put more beauty into this ugly world. Speak and write truth, even if it is disguised as fiction. We have so much ugly in the world, that many believe that is how things have to be…show them that it is only one way. Violence is NEVER the answer, and we as a species need to find out what is. Please be good to each other. ❤
Ok… Let’s stop right now. The use of the word bored. I had someone who I dearly love use this word recently and it stuck in my craw. Boredom is a flawed concept. There is always something that you can do to engage the mind. As the parent of a very active pre-teen, this is a lesson I have tried repeatedly to ingraine. Money doesn’t have to be a block either. Oh you are broke? Is there a library or a park near you? Well those are usually free. Nature walks allow time for contemplation. Also one could gather supplies to do simple crafts (easily found via the Internet…) I am not saying crafting is for everyone. I did a I’m bored jar for my girl… Slips of paper to give her ideas. If she said that she was bored then we would draw out a slip and do what was on it. Not all were fun…
Here is some examples..
1. Sweep all of the floors in one room.
2. Play half an hour of a video game.
3. Read for thirty minutes.
4. Color one page in a coloring book.
5. Draw a picture…
6. Write a story /poem
7. Walk at least fifteen minutes, take notice of all of your surroundings.
8. Do a craft… Any craft.
9. Listen to music and dance…
10. Write a letter to someone.
These are merely some possible ideas. We play d&d, so another option is to find a group of players and start an adventure. Most libraries offer free Wi-Fi for card holders. There is many places to get free books for the Kindle app(which is available from the play store for Android, not sure on Apple)…. Bookbub, bookgorilla, and a few others. So even if you can’t do borrowing from the library there is a way for free books. If you message a writer on Twitter or Facebook, and offer to review for the chance to read it… Well some will be willing to do it. Check your community for free events. Home depot and lowes both have a craft each month that is free for kids. I think that they also have ones for adults. Saying that you are bored is in my opinion denoting a bit of a lack of imagination. Let’s not have that!
Last night i had the most horrific thing happen….my Phone died. Now understand….My cell phone was basically a tablet…i used it for everything. It was my calendar, my communication, my camera, my kindle, texting, my writing tool, and my gaming device. Everything except a phone. I may loose progress on some of my writing because of this. I have a laptop that i borrow from my boyfriend. It is a older model, windows xp laptop. It is missing the backspace, the tab and the m keys. It so doesn’t have the CPU or the hard drive space to do much more than simple programs…however until i can replace my tablet…i have no choice. I am not out on the streets broke, but there is no extra money. I am scraping to try and get a vehicle, and of course my microwave broke as well. So yes, i cannot afford the extra expense of a tablet. Which for me means suffering to write on this crappy laptop. It means dealing with the extra headache of accessing WordPress through an android emulator because the browsers on this laptop seem to have issues with most pages. It means in order to blog or even try and update my author page on Facebook I will have to sit down and actually fight this beast. So though i am enjoying the blogging and enjoying the spurt of writing i have been doing lately, it means life will likely interfere a wee bit more. Please bear with me. I will update, but it may not be daily. I am going to get me another tablet, it just may take me some time. thank you for understanding, or i am sorry if you don’t. This is just how my life goes.