Rain is the perfect weather to think in. There is two sides to every story. That is something that we often forget, especially when we are fighting. When we are fighting, all we want is to express our views. We want to show that we hurt, and that we believe strongly in what we are saying. We forget that we love, and that we may not be the only one who is right. Two sides to each story does not always mean just right and wrong.
Sometimes, an argument is about two people who have valid points and neither know how bend to see the other view. It really is normal. However during the fight, it is not something that anyone thinks of. I myself have been guilty of this. We get so involved in ourselves that we find ourselves alone with hurt hearts and confused minds.
Still in the moment it is very hard to step back. It is not a thing that comes naturally to most of us. So we have to decide whether or not to back down or to feel like we are untrue to our own truths. Standing our ground can cause friction between us and whomever we are arguing with. Sometimes backing down is allowing our truths to be ignored.
It is possible for both sides to be right. So when you deal with the hurt from an argument, keep that in mind. If you do not want to back down from your view, it is fine. Just consider that you are not the only one involved. Consider if the other party could be right as well.
Yes, I am slow sometimes in responding on Twitter or the like. Doesn’t mean that I am less likely to do so. The problem with apps like crowdfire and similar is that it takes away from the socializing. You are sending out blanket messages and showing that all of your concern is the numbers. People are not numbers…. And they never should be. You can miss some amazing interaction and the amazing ideas behind the individual by using those apps. As a writer, I love stories. Each person is made up of a unique set of stories that came from their unique life. Why would anyone deny themselves the opportunity to hear them? Of course you will find the occasional troll. But if you are willing to allow them, even trolls can teach you about people. Social media outlets are for being social…. Quit automating that.
Those who don’t know me may not understand this. I am a pacifist. I really and honestly believe that violence does not solve anything. To my mind, violence only exacerbates any situation and makes it worse. That being said, I am deeply worried about the state of affairs in the United States. I feel like we went from the melting pot to the boiling pot overnight. I worry that the suicide rates will go up with this revelation of the new president and of the hardships we as a nation will be facing for the next four years. Don’t get me wrong. I am scared. But allowing fear to overtake me solves nothing.
We have to recover from the shock, and start to put our brains to use. This country is still the same, even if it feels different. There is laws to prevent the abuse I am seeing reports of on social media. There are places still to assist you if you are in danger. No one has the right to harm another person, no matter what the people who follow the hate believe. Practice Kindness. It is needed now more than ever. Do art! Please put more beauty into this ugly world. Speak and write truth, even if it is disguised as fiction. We have so much ugly in the world, that many believe that is how things have to be…show them that it is only one way. Violence is NEVER the answer, and we as a species need to find out what is. Please be good to each other. ❤
Ok… Let’s stop right now. The use of the word bored. I had someone who I dearly love use this word recently and it stuck in my craw. Boredom is a flawed concept. There is always something that you can do to engage the mind. As the parent of a very active pre-teen, this is a lesson I have tried repeatedly to ingraine. Money doesn’t have to be a block either. Oh you are broke? Is there a library or a park near you? Well those are usually free. Nature walks allow time for contemplation. Also one could gather supplies to do simple crafts (easily found via the Internet…) I am not saying crafting is for everyone. I did a I’m bored jar for my girl… Slips of paper to give her ideas. If she said that she was bored then we would draw out a slip and do what was on it. Not all were fun…
Here is some examples..
1. Sweep all of the floors in one room.
2. Play half an hour of a video game.
3. Read for thirty minutes.
4. Color one page in a coloring book.
5. Draw a picture…
6. Write a story /poem
7. Walk at least fifteen minutes, take notice of all of your surroundings.
8. Do a craft… Any craft.
9. Listen to music and dance…
10. Write a letter to someone.
These are merely some possible ideas. We play d&d, so another option is to find a group of players and start an adventure. Most libraries offer free Wi-Fi for card holders. There is many places to get free books for the Kindle app(which is available from the play store for Android, not sure on Apple)…. Bookbub, bookgorilla, and a few others. So even if you can’t do borrowing from the library there is a way for free books. If you message a writer on Twitter or Facebook, and offer to review for the chance to read it… Well some will be willing to do it. Check your community for free events. Home depot and lowes both have a craft each month that is free for kids. I think that they also have ones for adults. Saying that you are bored is in my opinion denoting a bit of a lack of imagination. Let’s not have that!
So I am not an easily triggered person, usually. However, here lately social media has been testing the limits. Several times I have opened Facebook and found articles about children dying because they were raped. Then there are the articles about rapists getting nearly no punishment for what they have done. So then I take to Twitter, which is usually a little bit more light-hearted. Until the presidential election. Then there started a new hashtag. #WhyWomenDontReport. Well, that is a huge can of worms. It caused me to discuss this with Joe.
He said that most of the women who he knows, or has known have been either raped or molested. Then as we were talking about it, he considered. Of the twenty women who he was intimate with, he said he was unable to say for sure on four. The rest were survivors. That is not even a random statistic. That is women who he was with.
I was floored by that. So I posted on Facebook. (So there is a thing on Twitter… #whyIdidntreport
I DID REPORT! At least the first time. I was told that I was a liar. Not all rapes go unreported, some people speak and go unheard. I didn’t speak of the second time because I knew I wouldn’t be believed.) I had several of my friends express similar situations. Think on this, according to Google, one in three women are raped in their lifetime. Yes men are also raped, but I am not speaking of them, not yet anyway. So 1/3 of all women. We as a people need to address this… That is a huge issue.
Add to the issue the ignorance of Trump’s “locker room talk” and the treatment of the victims by those who have the power to change things. Is it any wonder that sexual assault is the least reported crime? We make it hard for the scared to overcome the fear instilled by violence to step into a safe place… And I for one am tired of that. I was raped at fourteen and molested as a small child. I am not a statistic. I am not a victim. I am not allowing Rape culture to break me. I speak my truth, and invite you to do the same.
Okay, I believe it is time that I explain my truth, and set myself free. I have survived many abusive situations. I really was a broken soul. Then I met an angry redhead. He is my anchor. He allowed me to heal. When I met him, I was dissociating. I was on more medications than a person should ever take and I flinched whenever anyone looked at me cross. I was hiding who I was, mostly because I had seen that it would be unwelcome. No one believed me when I spoke of what I had been through. So when I met him, I was more than a hot mess. I was having nightmares nightly and I was terrified of everything. I had at our rough count at least fifteen distinct personalities. Twenty years later, I no longer dissociate. I Will likely have nightmares for the rest of my life, but I have them less now. I now wake up to arms who hold me as I cry the tears of fear. I have someone who has encouraged me to be myself, no matter what anyone else thinks. We heal each other.
That sounds amazing right? Well the problem is most people see him and because he is grouchy and anti-social, They think that he is not good to me. I have watched him walk away from people who he loved because of how they treated me. I have watched him protect me when I was trapped in my own mind. I have had to stand between him and the outside, because of people misunderstanding. I will always stand up for him, he is why I have found the strength to heal a shattered soul. So many people have told me that I can do better……but What they fail to understand is that I don’t want to. We fight, we play, we love, and we have healed. Unless you are part of it, there is so much that you Can not see, so please don’t judge my life based on the first impression that you have of him or me.
noun: forgiveness; plural noun: forgivenesses
the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven.
“she is quick to ask forgiveness when she has overstepped the line”
Old English forgiefenes, from forgiefen (past participle of forgiefan ‘forgive’) + the noun suffix -nes .
For me forgiveness has been a tough matter. I am a survivor, and I cannot tell you how many times I have been told to forgive my abuser. That it is for my peace. No it is not. It is the way that everyone around me feels better about my mental state. Forgiveness for me has always meant being able to go around the forgiven. To accept that this was done and not hold the person responsible for it. Well I refuse. He hurt me. I still wake up from nightmares. That is unlikely to change. I am not a victim anymore, I have healed as much as I am likely to do. Still if I was to be in the same room with him, I would not be civil. He was responsible for some of the darkest moments of my life. So I think that the concept of forgiveness needs to be adjusted. If you Google it, forgiveness comes up only as a way to heal from abuse. The fact that the word has been adjusted in such a way says quite alot. I am a writer. I see words as they are meant. So for me forgiveness is being misused, and mostly by people who have never been there. If someone chops your foot off then I guess you can forgive them? You can say that it’s ok and that you are fine with it? Well I have my doubts. My abuser caused horrific nightmares, ptsd, and an overwhelming claustrophobia. Those are not something that my “forgiving” him will fix. I have managed to put a shattered mind mostly back together. I was dealing with dissociation. I am not anymore. I am able to speak of what I went through, even if it is not an easy thing. Forgiving him will not change that. He is a monster. Accepting that was needed. That is not forgiveness, I will never be able to be in the same room as him. As a matter of fact, I told him the last time I saw him that I would scream if I ever saw him again. Forgiveness is not a tool for my peace of mind, it is a tool for those who have not been where I have.